Confusion

The flower stays pressed against my nose. I never know why people do that. I hardly smell a thing never the less a sweet fragrance. The sunflower almost matches the floral pattern of my yellow summer dress. The flower smiles at me glistening with dew. Or water from the sprinklers. My dirty blonde hair is tied back by a braid. It pulls on my scalp. I blink my crystal blue eyes at the flower. I wonder why I pick them. Do I end a life just for my own selfish cause? I shake those thoughts out of my head and start humming a tune I heard on the radio. I rip out the hair band tying my hair back. I untangle the braid and hop to my grandma’s room. She’s not in her room as I  thought she would be. Sitting there with her blue eyes smiling at me. She is bald though, but she had long blonde hair. I could tell from the many pictures we have of her. I skip to dad’s room. My spirit unfaltering. I skip through his door and stand behind his chair, my dad swivels to face me.

“Where is grandma?” He strokes my hair lovingly.

“Gone” he whispers “I tried to wake her but she didn’t”

I run out of his small office almost tripping on the piles of paper stacked on the ground. I sprint  through the halls. I don’t care about a thing. I move to my room and curl up. Not wanting to leave. Not wanting to move. Not wanting to breath.

I fall asleep hoping none of that happened.

No one comes to comfort me to see if I am okay. No one comes to hug me.

I know they are preparing for the baby. I wouldn't hold that against them.

I know that as much as I know what her last words were about.

Me